To work or not to work. That is the question...

Wow, can't believe it's been almost five years since I brought myself  to this place. Honestly, I could have come back a couple of years ago, with both kids at school. What can I say, life has been a bit off-track for me.

So I bring you what I hope to be the first of many future entries. I hope to get back in the habit of sharing a bit of our lives with you. I've decided to keep it more real, and post more than just the happy stuff and pretty pictures. So in that spirit, I bring you my current conundrum:

To work or not to work? That is the question indeed.

The past two summers I've worked on weekends to help with the bills. Which worked well for us before, but eventually we get tired of the split schedules and loss of family time. So I started looking for alternatives. As a way to gain perspective and experience, I started volunteering at a zoo. It's a hard, labor intensive job, but it's so much fun! A quick primer: elephants and bears are awesome (in the full definition of the word), but you can't approach them without a zoo keeper. Otters are funny, but they will bite your fingers off, so stay away. Coyotes are hyper, Beavers are the best begrudging cuddlers (they will only put up with it if you have food).

Last spring, in a quest to change my work situation and get paid to do something more enjoyable that mixing paint at Lowes, I applied to a bunch of seasonal summer jobs, some specifically with birds, with the hope they would pay enough to cover daycare for the kids during summer vacation and maybe a bit extra for the bills, and give me a more recent and satisfying work experience related to my field. Well, that was a bust. I got one interview, but no dice. Not a mood booster either.

We decided to weather the summer with my weekend job, and try to find something else after summer break. And so it happened that after summer, a position became available at the zoo. What a wonderful stroke of luck! Josh and I were talking about me quitting Lowes as it was. After year and a half of no weekend family time, it was really taking a toll on us. So I applied to the zoo, and quit Lowes. Just like that, a leap of faith, no plan B. I did get an interview for the zoo, but things didn't work out, and I didn't get the job.  I was very shaken by the turn of events, and it's been a process to mend my battered self esteem. Suffice it to say it's out of the hospital, but still recovering (this is a metaphor, no actual hospitals were involved).

In such a state I proceeded to scour the internet for job opportunities. I found the same seasonal positions I applied to last year, plus some new permanent positions, and I applied to all. I'm sure you can guess how that went. One interview, no dice. I even went back to Lowes to see if they had something available or if I could have my job back. I got an interview for a position there, but I can tell you I never had a chance. The person who got it has been there far longer, and is, indeed, better qualified for it.

So now it is April. We have a 10 day vacation next month, and school is out one month after that. Time is running out to get something in place before summer. Here's another thing: summer camps are expensive. And they charge by the week! You'd think you're sending them to a NASA space camp (is that a thing?). So if you go right back to work after you have kids, and you know what your schedule will be like, you prepare. You have the cost of summer camps/daycare figured out into your budget. Or, even better, you have family near to help out with the kids. Well, we have neither. And although yes, we absolutely need the paycheck, if I were to get a job right now, it would be a starting position, so likely not terribly well paid, and all of the money would go to summer camp. Don't get me wrong, there's definitely some jobs I would take the trade off for (zoo, for example), but there's not many such open positions around here.

The problem when you stay home with the kids since they are born is that change is hard. We spend summer together, that's what we do. Though nowadays they really don't need me that much. Most of the time I supervise from inside and they invent games to play outside, with a few adventure outings here and there. But this summer, if I decide to not get a job for now, I won't be working weekends. That opens a whole lot of possibilities for family adventures we haven't had in two summers! We could actually go camping! The last two times we planned for it and I got time off work, it rained. So my kids haven't done any camping with their nature lover parents. The shame! (We are camping during our 10 day vacation, figures we need to go to California to actually get it done!)

And so it goes, round and round in my head. But it would be a great summer! But you should get a job... But we could plan so many adventures! But we need the paycheck... But...!

Ultimately, I'm a firm believer that things will happen when they must. So for now, I'm painting the dining room and living room, and then I'll paint the closet that drives me nuts. Then maybe our bedroom, or the bathroom. One perk of having worked at Lowes is that I already have paint for all of it! So I will focus on painting, apply to any dream job status jobs that may pop up, and see what happens. Something's gotta give, right? In the meantime, I paint. And blog.